Thank you for your patience. I’ve spent the last few weeks really digging. There are a few things I really wanted to get out of this trip and I wasn’t getting my moment of clarity. Clarity, how elusive you are.
So, I used my time. My long days. You can figure some things out when you’ve got four days across Kansas on the same highway. Four days without a turn. After I got over the novelty of the wind, cows, crops, and the occasional grain elevator I dug in with one question: “What do I want to do with my life?”
I think that this kind of time doesn’t cause a person to have a lightbulb epiphany. What it does do is take away distraction and give you the time to answer, and rethink, and answer again.
I thought on that question for weeks. Chewed. Digested. Organized. Changed. Filed. Re-filed. Threw away. Picked up. You get the picture.
Then I noticed something. Some things started fading. Ideas, plans, and thoughts I’d had about what I want started to disappear.
I’ve had a lot of ideas over my life. Before this trip I thought I wanted to live a nomadic life. Doesn’t waking up in a different place every day sound romantic? I thought so. Now I don’t. It faded.
I started looking at what made me happy. Or, more importantly, what makes me feel fulfilled. That line, happy/fulfilled, turned out to be really important. I generally group them together, but that hasn’t worked well for me, so I separated them. This helped sort through even more.
While I’ve still got your attention, here is what I want to do with my life:
Get Timberline Outpost off the ground (my own business)
Be more involved in the lives of my family members
Be more involved in my community
Keep working on healthy lifestyle habits
Finish the Arrowhead 135
Write a book
Cook and host friends and family
Communicate more openly
Adopt a dog
Learn how to make pottery
Buy a Jeep
Get ham radio license
What I don’t want to do with my life:
Dwell on what I don’t have
Keep beating myself up for past mistakes
Watch so much tv
Only socialize at the bar
Obsess over objects I want
Be jealous of other people’s lives
Let my anxiety stop me from doing things
That list is not in a particular order and some will take a lot of time while others I am already practicing. This tour has taught me a lot about goals. Breaking them up. Pushing to the next checkpoint. Breaking it into palatable bites. It’s comforting to know what I want in my future. I can’t say I have before.
I figured out what I needed to figure out. I’m sure there will be more lessons and more ways to grow in the next two thousand or so miles, but barring a huge mental/emotional breakthrough I am going to direct this a little more towards the tour and experiences.
Thanks again for listening to me ramble about my life.
It’s Just Pepper Baby!