Family and Self Confidence

I’ll start this one off with family because that is the most valuable thing I have. This was an emotional one to think about when I was riding today. Here it goes.

I remember my dad saying to me, and I paraphrase, “Family is the only thing that will always be there.” in a conversation we had after he had helped me out in some way or another because of a bad decision or mistake I had made. I can’t exactly say what it was. That would be like trying to tell you about that episode of Dukes of Hazard where the boys jump the General Lee over a creek. You get the picture.

My relationship with my family has been rocky for a lot of my life. I have gone months without talking to them because of anger and angst, embarrassment about where my life was, feeling like I was a disappointment, whatever. I wanted to make them proud, I just didn’t think I ever would. I don’t feel good about that.

Despite my attitude and behavior, my family has always been there. They have helped me when I was in financial trouble, when I was in a deep depression, and were even there to listen to me and give advice after a bad breakup. This trip wouldn’t be possible without my family.

I see my relationship with my family improving. There were ups and downs. There were times when I wanted nothing to do with them. There were times I wished I was closer to them. But it’s getting better. I wish that had happened sooner.

The point of this, I guess, is that family is important. The older I get the more I realize that and how lucky I am to have the people I do in my life. They are the support system I didn’t earn and probably don’t deserve.

Parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone; I love you and if I ever wasn’t the person I should have been, I am sorry. I am trying to be better.

Moving on…

Self confidence… I have close to none. It’s been a struggle all of my life. I have always been the t-shirt up to the edge kind of guy. I haven’t had a beard for most of my adult life because beards are cool. I had a beard because I don’t like my face.

I’m working on this. This grand adventure has two big purposes: finish a huge task and come out a better person than when I started.

Both of these are related to self confidence. Finishing things has never been my strong suit. I can dive into something head first with every effort I have and eventually I will give up. This has cornered me into the “take the easy road” attitude. You can’t fail if you don’t try.

So, I am determined to finish this ride. It has been harder than anything else I have ever done. It drains me physically, mentally, and emotionally. But I am not giving up, and to push myself out of my comfort zone even more, this happened:

As you can see, I am as surprised as you are. Many people in my life have never seen my face. Here it is. I’m not a fan, but that’s the point. It is an exercise in leaving the comfort zone and accepting myself, which will hopefully help in the confidence front.

I know this post is really not about the tour, but you have a lot of time to think on the road and these things have been weighing on me for a while.

Thanks for listening and more will be coming soon!

It’s Just Pepper Baby!